The following story is the
weirdest thing that has ever happened to me. If someone were to tell me this
story, I would surely think they were exaggerating to make the story better, or
simply making parts of it up. To help convince you that it is true, I will be
posting links at the end, which help corroborate my wild experience. With that...
It was 2007. I was 24, fresh out
of film school, and looking for a job. I was browsing Craigslist one day and
found a nonprofit company that was looking for a video editor. Apparently, it
was some offshoot of a bigger company named Alaska Structures, which sells
military grade tents and shelters. The job seemed like something I would be
interested in, and best of all, the starting salary was listed as between
$60-80,000!! I applied and was quite excited when I immediately got called for an
interview. Yay!
I arrived for my interview at
7:00am. It was a nice building in Kirkland, Washington, overlooking Lake
Washington. As I approached the building, I could see inside and noticed that the
office was already full of bustling people. I went to open the door, but found
that it was locked. As I tried to open it again, the secretary looked up and saw
me. I figured she would come open the door, but instead just returned to
her work. Confused, I looked around
to see if anyone could let me in. I then noticed a little piece of paper taped
to the bottom part of the glass window, saying “please show your driver’s
license to the secretary.” I thought that was a bit odd, but whatever. I got
out my license and put it up to the glass. The secretary walked over, looked at
it, returned to her desk to check something, and then let me in.
I was 15 min early, so I sat down
on a couch and start flipping through some magazines. All the magazines were
things like Forbes, Fortune,etc. As I was looking around,
I noticed that there was a security camera above the secretary, looking straight
at me. I didn’t really think anything of it, and continued to just sit there,
waiting for my interview.
A few minutes went by, and I was approached by a guy carrying a ukulele and a bottle of whiskey, wearing a
cape and a pointy foil hat. I was thinking “wat?”, and figured
that it must be the brother of the CEO or something, and being a bit slow, is just allowed to hang out. Well, the ukelele guy sits down and starts talking to me, so I respond pleasantly.
Though, I didn’t want to act too nice and patronizing, since I thought it might
be some weird trick to test my character.
Ukelele guy asks me if I would like
some whiskey, to which I declined, saying it probably wouldn’t be a good idea before a
job interview--especially so early in the morning. He then asked if I want to
know a secret. I said sure, and leaned in to hear his secret. He then screamed
as loud as he could, “I AM A JELLY DONUT!!!” I was totally shocked! Flabbergasted!
I had no idea what is going on, and looked over at the secretary to get her
reaction to such a weird outburst, but she kept her head down, refusing to acknowledge
what just happened. I could tell that she could see that I was looking at her,
but absolutely would not look up.
Ukelele guy then told me that he
plays the ukulele, and asked if I would like to hear a song. I said sure, and he started strumming (quite poorly) on the ukulele, singing something about how no
one in Tacoma has a lawn. He then quit, and asks what I thought about the song.
I said it was better than I could do, but I didn’t think that it was true that
no one in Tacoma has a lawn, seeing as I knew people in Tacoma, and they definitely had
lawns.
He proceeded to tell me that he
got the ukulele in Hawaii, because he broke his other one when he became frustrated at not being good at it. I said that was too bad, but
I didn’t think he was that bad. He accused me of lying, and insisted that I
hated the song. I said that wasn’t true, because he could play better than me. He
then asked if I want a drink yet, and I declined, again.
Meanwhile, I noticed that a few
other employees (one who turned out to be the CEO of the company) were watching
me from afar.
Ukelele guy then pulled out a VERY
crumpled piece of paper. He uncrumpled it, and it had a picture of an orangutan
in a business suit, looking irritated. There was a caption saying something
like “I can’t get any work done when all of my employees are missing links”.
The guy asked me if I thought it was funny, and I said yeah, sort of. He pressed me
to explain why I thought it was funny, so I explained that it was a funny expression on
the orangutan’s face, and he was wearing a suit, which was funny. And with
that, just as quickly as he appeared, the ukelele guy took the paper and ran off!
Leaving me with what I am sure was a look of “is this real life?” on my face.
Finally, I was called in to the actual
interview, only to find that I would be joining two other guys who were applying for
the same job. No big deal. The
interview room was quite nice, with a large wooden table, flat panel TVs, security cameras, and
pics of the CEO with President Bush. There
were three interviewers: the CEO, some guy from HR and some other person. The
CEO was nice, but seemed crazy and sounded a lot like Rush Limbaugh. The HR guy
was super nice and seemed quite normal, and I don’t remember anything about the
third person.
Anyway, the group interview
starts going and everything is relatively normal, with standard interview questions.
However, things suddenly got weird when we were asked questions like “out of
the three of us, who would you least like to work with?” and “on a scale of
1-10, rate how nice or controlling you think each of us seem”, as well as other similar
questions that were somewhat difficult to answer.
The two other interviewees tried
to be polite and give answers, but also not be offensive. They would try to
explain their reasons for liking one person over another with a lot of humming
and hawing, “Well, I gather this from you, um, but, uhh… I am not saying this
for certain about you… but…” I didn’t play into it, and simply would say
something like “you”, or “4, 4, 7” without any further explanation. For whatever
reason, that seemed acceptable to them, and I wasn’t pressed to explain my
answers.
As I mentioned earlier, the job
was going to be for a video editing position, and the three interviewers
explained that they had tons of footage they wanted edited into a documentary
that would “sweep the film festivals.” Though, they didn’t have a story, point
they were trying to get across, or anything. All they had was footage of their
company helping in some sort of disaster relief.
Their story of the footage also
didn’t make any sense. They said they had filmed with 6 or so cameras for 2
weeks straight, nonstop. Though, they claimed to only have 12 or so hours of
footage. This didn’t make sense if they had filmed nonstop, and one interviewee
questioned the strange situation, but we never got an answer. Generally, we were just told
things like “don’t worry about it, we hired the best people, and it's great.” However, we were also told that their previous editor had quit, since the he
claimed the footage was terrible.
That concluded the interview, and
we were told that if we were still interested, to call back. I was curious, so
I called back. The lady I spoke with asked what I thought of the interview, and
I said it was really... interesting. She asked to explain why I thought it was
interesting, so I stated what I thought was odd about it, and then asked what the rationale behind the ukulele guy was. Unfortunately, I was told I wasn’t allowed to know.
Whatever the case, they scheduled another interview for me the next morning… at
6am!
I arrived at 5:45am, again to
find the office fully functional, with dogs also running around inside. There was no ukulele
guy this time, and I was taken straight back to the interview room. This time, I was the only interviewee.
I sat down with three interviewers
again: the CEO, the HR guy and this time, the ukulele guy! Except he wasn’t the
ukulele guy anymore, he was dressed and acting totally normally! He would occasionally
refer to the Ukulele guy in third person, calling him Bernie or something. There was also never a hint of irony
or anything in his eye. When I first saw him, I thought there might be a wink
and a nod, sort of acknowledging the insanity from the previous morning. Nope.
This interview seemed to go a lot more normally (at first). They asked about my experience, and wanted to see some of my work. I gladly
showed them my demo reel, and we all discussed it. They seemed genuinely
interested, and I began to think that the previous day was just some weird weeding-out technique that I wasn't aware of. But then, as often happens in so many job interviews, we started talking about God (since one of the videos on
my sample reel dealt with atheism/religion). The CEO explained to me that he was
religious, and explained some of his reasoning.
As a result of this theological discussion, the
CEO went on to explain that the reason that kids at the Georgia Tech
shooting were unable to react when the shooter was in their classroom was
because they were unable to recognize evil. He explained that that society
isn’t teaching the difference between good and bad, and the students didn’t
understand what they were witnessing. I said I disagreed, and explained that it was more
likely that the kids were just frozen in fear—not that they were unable to
recognize their fellow students being shot as bad.
Then the CEO left to have a
meeting, and I continued to talk with the other two interviewers. While
answering one question, I mentioned that I have a tendency to get really
wrapped up in editing, and will edit nonstop until I get a project done. I gave
the example of a 48 hr film festival I was recently in, and how I edited for
basically 18 hrs straight. The interviewers didn’t even blink, and asked “are
we supposed to be impressed?” I said “uuuh, not really, I was just saying that
I get really into it sometimes.” They then told me that the CEO worked 18 hrs a
day, for 7 years straight, without a vacation. I let out a small chuckle, because
I thought they were joking. They asked why I thought it was funny, and I said I
didn’t realize they were serious.
Because we were on the topic of work hours, it was explained to me how most employees work at least 100 hrs a week,
don’t take lunches, etc. The reason behind this is because their work is too
important, and they were saving lives (this saving lives spiel was a running
theme throughout the interview). They said that some people don’t even go home,
they just sleep under the desk, and their families bring them food. I didn’t
know if they were serious or not, but they seemed to be.
They explained that if I were to
work there, they would have me work 6 days a week, from 5am to 7pm. I asked why
they start so early and they asked “why do you think?” I said, well, maybe to
avoid traffic, or maybe because that’s when shipments go out or something. They
said those were good guesses, but wrong. The real answer was that they wanted
to start early, because they were saving lives. “We LOVE our job. Why would you
go home if you could save lives?” Ukulele guy continued on about how his job
brings so much meaning to his life, etc.
Having enough of this weirdness, I
decided to attempt to get the interview back on track, and asked about the actual job. I
inquired as to where the footage was, and where I would be working. They said I
would work right out with everyone else. I laughed, saying that that wouldn’t
work, because I need a quiet, neutral spot to edit. They said that was a glass
ceiling, and I would overcome it. I said no, that is not how editing works. I
need a quiet spot so I can hear where to make audio cuts and things of that
nature. They conceded that they could get me headphones. Thanks, guys.
From there, ukulele guy went into
this whole tangent about how people come to this company and they hate it, and
they want to quit, and their friends and family tell them to quit. But it’s all
just glass ceilings, and if you stay, you will become a better person, and see
that “they” were right, and you can achieve great things. Ukulele guy went on,
stating that when he started, he hated the place. But he kept coming back, and
"they were right. They were always right."
After a bit more of this weirdness, the
CEO came back and we talked some more. He explained that his employees had a
900% turnover rate, and most people quit within the first week, and those who
don’t quit in the first week usually quit within the first 3 months. The CEO
also made a big point of the fact that his company does things his own unique way. As a result, people think he is like
a dictator, which he accepted.
He then asked if I believed in
absolute truth. This is a trick question that Christian apologists often use
when trying to convince nonbelievers of some ultimate God. The trick is that if
you say “no”, they then ask “is that an absolute statement” or “are you
absolutely sure?” As not to fall for this potential trick, I said yes, but clarified
that whether we have the absolute truth on anything is a different matter.
Whatever the case, I thought it was an odd question for a video editing job
interview!
The CEO then stated bluntly that
a number of people have accused the company of being a cult—but clarified that they
"obviously weren’t!"I laughed, and without thinking, said “well, isn’t that exactly what a cult
WOULD say?”
As my laugh subsided, it hit me.
The entire time, something had been off. Granted, the ukulele guy was really
weird, and the questions were strange… but something about the place… something
was just off and I couldn’t put my finger on it. Having been interested in
religion and cults, and how cults work, I was ashamed that I didn’t realize it
until THEY pointed it out: it was DEFINITELY some sort of cult! As soon as the
CEO mentioned that, it just all fell into place… sort of an “OH SHIIIIIIIIIIT!”
moment. All of the basic aspects of a cult were there, and I had been too distracted (or something) to see them!
-Veneration of the leader (“he worked
for 7 years straight without a break. What have YOU done??”).
-Infallible leader (crazy sales
tactics that apparently no one else knows about, and are THE ONLY WAY).
-Persuasive techniques (asking
odd questions, trying to get to you to crack).
-Hidden agendas (wanting me to
edit a video… but wanting me to start work at 5am, and work with the sales
people?).
-Belief that THEY have the
absolute truth.
-Guilt trip tactics if you leave (“we
are saving lives. Don’t you want to save lives?”).
-Attempts to undercut your
skepticism (“your family will say to leave, but they are wrong”).
-Promise of growth,
transcendence, family, etc (“you will have a family, and learn about yourself
and grow like you never thought you could”).
With that, the interview wrapped up and I
left. I was told that if I was still
interested in the position, to call them. I really did consider going back for a third
interview, simply to have another funny story to
tell. But at that point, seeing as I was convinced that it was some sort of a
crazy cult, and I decided not to waste my gas driving across the state
for another interview at the crack of dawn. Whatever the case, it was definitely the most bizarre
experience of my life. A good story though!
