A History of Ridiculous Ideas: Aliens!

People often tease me because I always seem to come up with ridiculous theories to explain all sorts of random stuff (like why guys are jerks and girls are stupid). However, this tendency is not new. Ever since I was a little kid, I would always think of crazy ways to explain the world, or come up with ideas that seemed quite logical at the time, only to be quite absurd. This is one of those ideas...

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For the majority of my life, I was terrified of being abducted by aliens. It seems that when people have a fear about something, they tend to either obsess over it, or make every effort to avoid anything associated with it. As for myself, I fell into the former group—I was basically obsessed. All I would read were books about aliens, UFOs and the paranormal. I would watch everything I could find about aliens, and the best thing about staying in a hotel was that I could watch the Discovery Channel, which always had something about aliens and UFOs.

Sometime in middle school, I came up with a theory of what aliens were all about and what was going on. Basically, aliens were just humans from the future, coming back to study us. They were probably anthropologists or something. Anyway, the reason that the aliens had overly large heads, and huge eyes was because that was not the actual head of the alien, but was their helmet. And their large eyes were not actually eyes, but were just the eye lenses in the helmet. They were large to help accommodate peripheral vision. And aliens dressed all the same simply because that was their space suit.

As for the idea of aliens not being able to visit earth because the vast distances of space were too large, I agree that that was probably true. But if these aliens were actually just humans from the future, they weren’t traveling and large distances—they were only traveling through time. This also explained why the alien space ships seemed to shoot off and then disappear. It was just like on Back to the Future, the time machine would hit 88 mph, then BAM, it vanishes!

As for why they were coming and abducting people… well, whenever we study any animal, we don’t really tend to sympathize with it too much. Think of apes, we just snatch them from the jungle, put them in a box and ship them away. Likewise with the future humans, they are so far removed from us, that they don’t feel any kinship with us, so they treat us like we treat animals.

And with that, my “theory” explained everything (as far as I could tell) and solved all the problems with the idea of beings from another galaxy coming to visit us. However, as it turns out, these ideas turned out not to be all that original. I watched “Fire in the Sky” while in college, and saw that the idea of the stereotypical alien “look” (big heads, big eyes) being a result of their space suits had already been thought of. And I am sure the whole “time traveling human from the future” isn’t original idea. But hey, I was only a middle schooler. Gimme a break!