Faking IT

Originally written in January, 2007.

Ok, so I have talked with quite a few girls on this, getting their opinions, and sharing mine. However, upon a recent conversation with a few of my male friends, I have found that my opinion is also the general consensus.

So here is the situation: You and your boyfriend are messing around, and you just aren’t feeling it. Either you just aren’t in the mood for whatever reason, or he just isn’t doing something right. Either way, you don’t want to hurt his feelings, so you decide that it would be a good idea to fake an orgasm. Bad, bad, bad, BAD idea. BAD IDEA!! To be blunt, this is the worst idea that you could possibly have come up with. Its 100% wrong.

Girls, its simple: DON’T DO IT! I understand that you are worried that he might get mad or that you might hurt his ego or something. But trust me, you wont. Based on my opinion, and the opinion of every guy I have talked to, the worst possible thing you could do is fake it.

Think about it. By doing this, it doesn’t help create an honest relationship. You wouldn’t want him to lie to you… so why would you lie to him? Because that’s what you are doing, you are looking him straight in the eye and flat out lying. If you are religious, that’s a sin (if Jesus was a girl, would she fake an orgasm?), and if you aren’t religious… well, it’s still wrong because you are betraying the trust of someone you care about. Just put yourself in the guy’s position: if your significant other wasn’t feeling it, would you rather have them tell you or even teach you what to do… or just pretend that they like it?

Faking orgasms also hurts your relationship because it makes it harder to bond with your partner. When either sex has an orgasm, the hormone, oxytocin is released. This chemical is involved with social bonding and also helps promote trust between adults. The theory goes that the more sex a couple has, the deeper their bond becomes. Needless to say, oxytocin isn’t released if you are faking it the whole time, and a strong bond wont be built.

Most guys aren't so selfish that they are only thinking about their own satisfaction in bed (and if he is, then you shouldn’t be with him). Of all the guys I know, we want YOU to be happy too. And we like knowing that you are happy, cause it makes us happy (so yeah, its ultimately selfish). You girls are complicated… there are so many freaking things we have to do, and at the right time and in the right order. And each girl is different, so it takes time to learn the ropes. We understand that you are complicated, but we WANT to learn. We WANT to know what you like and what you don’t like. But if you don’t tell us, and just fake everything, then we aren’t learning, and you aren’t getting anything out of it. So by faking, you are just reinforcing bad behavior.

And guys like knowing that they are getting their girlfriends (or whoever) off. It’s totally an ego booster. “Hell yeah, I’m freakin awesome!” And I’m sure you probably know this, because this is why you fake it in the first place. But if we found out you were faking… then all the trust, as well as the ego that he might have, goes out the window.

My ex-girlfriend once told me that she had faked it two times, and I was so freakin pissed! I am not an angry person, and I don’t really get mad. And I never got mad at her, except for that one time. I was SO pissed that she would flat out lie to me, and not think that I care about how she feels. So she showed/told me what to do, and I did it, and everyone was happy.

Of all the people I have asked, every guy has agreed that faking it is inexcusable. There is NO situation where it might be ok. So please don’t do it.

Ok ok, you are probably thinking, “Zak! You are just telling me what NOT to do.” I guess it would only be fair for me to tell you what to do, instead of just telling you that your idea is a bad one. Fair enough.

The next time you are in a situation where you just aren’t feeling it, or your guy just isn’t doing something right, just tell him. Seriously, its that simple. If he isn’t doing something right, you don’t have to say “you freakin suck at this!” and roll over or anything. Just tell him what do to. Tell him what you like, or show him, or guide him. No one is going to be offended. And if he is… then he is an idiot and you can tell him I think he is an idiot. Because like I said earlier, we want to learn, we want to make you feel good. If your guy doesn’t fit that description, then get rid of him.

If you just aren’t in the mood (given, this is difficult for guys to understand), just tell him that you aren’t, and then cuddle up to him or something. I’m sure you can work out some deal of some sort. Just assure him that its nothing to do with him, and that if you do feel in the mood, you will tell him. Everyone will be much happier.

So in conclusion, I understand the reasons and motivation you may have for faking an orgasm, but despite your sincere method of attempting to deal with the issue, you are wrong. But no big deal, cause now you know! So next time you are thinking about faking it, just think “Zak says DON’T!” and then act accordingly.

The End.