Lesbians Are Overrated

Originally written May 2008

"Men think that if women are grabbing and clawing at each other, there's a chance they might somehow kiss." -Jerry Seinfeld

There is a common theme among many teen boys, as well as many men: lesbians are a treat. If you see two girls, naked, doing all sorts of things to each other, it's excellent. Even if you see two girls just making out, it's apparently awesome as well.

I remember from when I was first introduced to such and idea, to which all of my friends would gush about how awesome it was. I went with it, but remembered thinking "eh. Not so much."

There seems to be this cultural concept that men have this fantasy about girl on girl action. And I think a lot of girls buy into it. Though I could be completely wrong, I think lots of girls just will be making out at a college party or something, just for the attention of the guys. And as expected, the guys react accordingly, hooting and hollering.

But I think this is all a sham. I think that guys, on the majority, do not find anything special about girl on girl action. I think that guys just claim that they do, in order to make sure no one calls into question their own sexuality.

The logic goes like this: you and your friends all like girls, and you agree on which girls you think are the hottest and whatnot. So it seems fair to think that if one hot girl is good, then two must be even better! Right?

In theory, this sounds great. If there were two hot girls, who both wanted the same guy, this would be nice. However, for some strange reason, things then get twisted, and the idea that two women who are apparently attracted to each other, becomes attractive to the guy (allegedly).

What is actually happening here is that men just are afraid to say that they don't find anything special about lesbians or girl on girl action. They are afraid of this, because they fear that if they don't claim to like two girls together, then their friends will conclude that they must be gay, by reversing the bad logic that got them into that position in the first place: you don't like two girls going at it, so you must not like even one girl, so you must be gay. Fag!

So I think the whole interest in lesbians, is for the most part, a sham. Guys just fake interest in two girls together in order to protect their masculinity.

Of course, this is a completely non-falsifiable theory. Either guys admit they don't like lesbians (and I am right), or they continue to say they do like lesbians, proving that they are just too scared to admit that they don't (and I am still right).

However, there is one line of evidence that I think seals the deal: there is much more heterosexual, girl-guy porn, than there is girl-girl porn. If men really were so obsessed with girl on girl action, and thought it was such a treat, why would any guy be interested in girl-guy porn?

The answer is, of course, that guys like girl-guy action more than girl-girl. The reason for this is simple, and has nothing to do with anyone being gay. It's much more desirable to imagine that you are the guy that this porn star girl is desperate to have sex with. It's also easier to imagine you are a guy, messing around with a girl, than it is to imagine you are a girl, messing around with another girl. I won't go into the details of why this is, because I am sure we can all figure it out pretty easily.

If I am right, then I predict that the more secure a guy (or group of guys) is with his masculinity, the less impressed he will be with two girls going at it, and he wont find it desirable. And on the flip side, guys who are more concerned about with people thinking they are gay will be much more ardent in their claim that girl on girl action is this incredible fantasy. But why would it be a fantasty to have two hot girls... who are completely not attracted to you, and want nothing to do with you?

So in conclusion, girl on girl action is not a male fantasy, but just something men feign interest in, in order to try and convince other men that they aren't gay.

Of course, there might be some guys out there who legitimately do find lesbians to be a turn on. There are a lot of stranger things in the world of sexual fantasies. But I don't think that this fantasy is as common as we would be led to believe.